if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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