she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
