Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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