I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Randomize
