My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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