My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
