Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
