I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
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well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
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I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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