i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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