I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
