Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
