i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
