Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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