just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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