i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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