That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
