Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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