Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i came on her dog
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
