when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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