Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
