looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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