I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
