my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
