my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
