So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
