i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
