I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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