Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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