is your mom at the bar?
I met the friendliest cop last night
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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