I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
