my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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