hotel room ftw
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
