Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
