i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
there is puke in my bra ... again
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
