Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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