Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
