Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
