I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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