i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
