The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
