i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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