M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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