Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
