I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize