It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
