its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
