pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
This is the prime rib incident all over again
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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