I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
