Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have aggressive nipples.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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