If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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