You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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