Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
