i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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