She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
