sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
