yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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