So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
