I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
