No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
