can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
