You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
