I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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