Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
