We won't sleep together?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
