So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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